PURSUED VS PURSUER: JEALOUSY

Sometimes this pursued and pursuer dynamic revolves around issues of being unable to fully trust the partner to be faithful. I have observed three reasons why trust may be lacking:

*One is that the partner is actually untrustworthy.

*Two, the person pursuing was very trusting, until they got cheated on. Often a first affair will be weathered and forgiven, but it is a subsequent affair which can make it very difficult to trust again, in any future relationship.

*Third is a pervasive jealousy, which is not about the relationship at all, but has to do with attachment. This type of jealousy occurs with or without reason, and the unfortunate person who is experiencing it often cannot tell the difference.

This may or may not be in conjunction with an unfaithful partner. A faithful partner may eventually feel “damned if I do, and damned if I don’t,” toward the unmerited jealousy of the pursuer.

Psycho-education and counseling would help to make sense of this dynamic.

All of these things need a deeper dive than this article can provide, and I recommend seeking counseling.